Signal Phrasing with Author in Signal

Original: According to Gee, “Discourses are not mastered by overt instruction…, but by enculturation (‘apprenticeship’) into social practices through scaffolded and supported interaction with people who have already mastered the Discourse” (7).

Revision: Gee declared that “”Discourses are not mastered by overt instruction…, but by enculturation (‘apprenticeship’) into social practices through scaffolded and supported interaction with people who have already mastered the Discourse” (7).

Explanation: The revision was only small, but I feel that changing it from “According to Gee” to “Gee declared that” makes it sound a lot stronger.

 

Signal phrasing without Author in Signal

Original: In order to have a high power pose, she said, “You make yourself big, you stretch out, you take up space, you’re basically opening up” (Cuddy).

Revision: To obtain a pose that is considered high power, she claimed that “you make yourself big, you stretch out, you take up space, you’re basically opening up” (Cuddy).

Explanation: Another rather small change, but to me it sounds a lot better.  The author herself is not named in the sentence or the signal because she was mentioned in an earlier sentence.

 

Embedded Quotation

Original: Gee offered a combination of “saying (writing)-doing-being-valuing-believing” (6) that is required for a Discourse.

Revision: (no revision needed)

Explanation: This was already a good example of an embedded quotation in my rough draft without any revision needed.  The quote is part of my sentence and flows as such.

 

Block Quotation

Original: Cuddy also offered her way of obtaining a Discourse, though she never directly used the word, by saying that you must “fake it till you become it” (Cuddy).

Revision: Cuddy also offered her way of obtaining a Discourse, though she never directly used the word, through apprenticeship.  She provides an example from her own life:

Eventually I graduated from college.  It took me four years longer than my peers, and I convinced someone, my angel advisor, Susan Fiske, to take me on, and so I ended up at Princeton, and I was like, I am not supposed to be here.  I am an impostor.  And the night before my first-year talk, and the first-year talk at Princeton is a 20-minute talk to 20 people.  That’s it.  i was so afraid of being found out the next day that I called her and said, “I’m quitting.”  She was like, “You are not quitting, because I took a gamble on you, and you’re staying.  You’re going to stay, and this is what you’re going to do.  You are going to fake it.  You’re going to do every talk that you ever get asked to do.  You’re just going to do it and do it and do it, even if you’re terrified and just paralyzed and having out-of-body experience, until you have this moment where you say, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m doing it.  Like, I have become this.  I am actually doing this.'”  So that’s what I did.  Five years in grad school, a few years, you know, I’m at Northwestern, I moved to Harvard, I’m at Harvard, I’m not really thinking about it anymore, but for a long time I had been thinking “Not supposed to be here.”

Explanation: I revised the original sentence to relate it back to the idea of apprenticeship, which was mentioned earlier in the same paragraph.  I chose to include Cuddy’s story from her life because it is a good example of a sort of “apprenticeship” between her and her advisor.

 

Paraphrase

Original: This student went to Cuddy’s office, and said that she feels like she doesn’t belong there.  Cuddy responded by saying, “‘You are supposed to be here!  And tomorrow you’re going to fake it, you’re going to make yourself powerful, and, you know– and you’re going to go into the classroom, and you are going to give the best comment ever.'” (Cuddy).  That student did.  She continued to participate until it eventually became nature for her to.  At that point, she has mastered the MBA student Discourse.

Revision: This student went to Cuddy’s office, and said that she feels like she doesn’t belong there.  Cuddy responded by telling her that she is supposed to be there.  She shared to the student the same advice that her advisor had once given her: fake it.  The student was advised by Cuddy to make herself powerful, and to give a quality comment while in class.  She did exactly that.  Eventually the student continued to particpate- she had changed. (Cuddy)  At that point, she has mastered the MBA student Discourse.

Explanation: I had changed the original to instead offer a paraphrase of the story that Cuddy told about her student instead of having some of the story outside of quotes and some of it in it.  To me, it seems to flow better this way.

 

Summary

Original: In order to enter a Discourse, a person can fake it, pretend, practice, or go under an apprenticeship.  That doesn’t…

Revision: There are several ways that one can enter a Discourse, the most notable of which is by going under a sort of apprenticeship.  Faking it or pretending for long enough may also lead to entrance into a Discourse.  That’s doesn’t…

Explanation: I revised that section to provide a more sort of in depth, but still simple, summary of how to enter a Discourse.

 

Ellipses

Original: According to Gee, “Discourses are not mastered by overt instruction…but by enculturation (“apprenticeship”) into social practices through scaffolded and supported interaction with people who have already mastered the Discourse” (7).

Revision: (no revision needed)

Explanation: In place of those ellipses, Gee offers a statement in parentheses tying the concept back to language.  I chose to omit that comment because I felt that it would ruin the flow of my sentence.

 

Brackets

Original: She suggested that if someone can consciously alter their nonverbals, they can “fake it till [they] become it” (Cuddy).

Revision: (no revision needed)

Explanation: I used the brackets to change the pronoun in the quote so that it would flow and match when incorporated with my own writing.

 

 

( collreadwrit1b )